It's like God shit irony all over that family
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
