You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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