I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There was a lot of him and a little penis
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
