alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
tell me about the eggs
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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