maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
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What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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