omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize