Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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