my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
