Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize