You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
