My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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