they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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