I'm so fucking centered right now
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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