My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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