smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
