I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
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Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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