Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
