Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
