Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
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He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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