I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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