im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
