Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
