I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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