why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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