You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
