I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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