No stitches, just platelets and will power
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
