Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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