Just cropdusted the office
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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