Plan B is the new Plan A
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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