hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
