someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
