he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
