He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
