I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
