I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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