apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
