i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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