There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We are all done wearing pants today
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize