Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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