my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
