Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
