the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
