The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I FOUND THE LEGS
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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