i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
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So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
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Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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