Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
