my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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