There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
