so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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