i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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