Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
