What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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