I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
