i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He felt like a one man threesome
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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