He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
