My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
