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I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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