Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me