Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.