you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
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I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
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you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.