Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'

(586): View more from Michigan

I thought that was really considerate

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(586): I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating' (586): I thought that was really considerate http://tfl.nu/g1h7

Replies (3) Good night (2645) Bad night (848)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?

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(651): Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women? http://tfl.nu/yufj

Replies (23) Good night (2439) Bad night (1263)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!

(774): View more from Massachusetts

Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.

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(508): god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?! (774): Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to. http://tfl.nu/gr6l

Replies (25) Good night (1054) Bad night (5213)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...

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(603): the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing... http://tfl.nu/ohtd

Replies (61) Good night (682) Bad night (4332)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?

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(306): Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender? http://tfl.nu/l1y7

Replies (12) Good night (4369) Bad night (1133)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled

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(609): There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled http://tfl.nu/cbhx

Replies (8) Good night (5335) Bad night (1010)
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(404): View more from Georgia

you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship

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(404): you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship http://tfl.nu/msif

Replies (7) Good night (4057) Bad night (1138)
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(407): View more from Florida

At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER

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(407): At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER http://tfl.nu/tf88

Replies (4) Good night (2682) Bad night (985)
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(281): View more from Texas

The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.

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(281): The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked. http://tfl.nu/awm7

Replies (12) Good night (3531) Bad night (1820)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place

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(314): Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place http://tfl.nu/v09l

Replies (1) Good night (1014) Bad night (676)
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(954): View more from Florida

These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.

(1-954): View more from Florida

Marco

(954): View more from Florida

Polo

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(954): These days, you and me are swimming in dicks. (1-954): Marco (954): Polo http://tfl.nu/zk92

Replies (7) Good night (2719) Bad night (702)
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(951): View more from California

I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.

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(951): I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day. http://tfl.nu/elsi

Replies (3) Good night (1974) Bad night (856)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?

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(734): Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex? http://tfl.nu/vpmt

Replies (7) Good night (1812) Bad night (536)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.

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(337): You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness. http://tfl.nu/kvta

Replies (3) Good night (1678) Bad night (478)
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(585): View more from New York

Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?

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(585): Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it? http://tfl.nu/82ze

Replies (4) Good night (586) Bad night (326)

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