Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Randomize
