He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall