dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
